On the Bus

We all come here to chat with one another. Each of us has our own reasons for coming here. And each of us has at one time or another, experienced some kind of behavior that we did not like.

There are some important things to remember. Everything that you post to the internet stays there. Forever! For anyone to read! I do not know what the copyright agreement is , whether our post belong to Edwina or Para chat and how protected they are. Also almost everyone who comes here to chat is mentally ill! Some more than others.

Trolls! If you are reading this, there may be hope for you. These may some of the most ill people that you encounter on the internet. They are just looking for attention, and are not particular what kind they get. In the mental health chat rooms they neither ask for, nor offer help. They do not even want to friends with people. Do not try to talk to them, argue with them, or even call them names. Operant conditioning! Ignore them. They “ignore” feature of this room helps. Click on the name to the left to highlight it, then click on the “ignore” button. Nuff said!

Troll-like behavior. These people too, may be seriously ill or episodic. They sometimes carry on a conversation with themselves, say irrational things, and fail to relate to others in the room by acknowledging their post. You might be able to start a conversation with one of these. Use your judgment. If it is someone you know, you may want to carry them. If not, you may want to direct them to this blog. Otherwise, ignore or sign off and come back later.

Then there is what I like to call, “The Lord of The Flies” effect. Simply put, it is mob rule. One person says something stupid, someone else jumps on their case, then everybody else has to jump in also. I’ve done it. It is easy to get caught up. Generally, the ensuing defecations and condemnations are even more stupid than the original remark! Try not to do this. The people that come to mental health chat rooms have an illness. JUST LIKE YOU! They ma be having an episode and/or not completely in control. The things said in these lynch mobs can be more than just offensive, they can end friendships, and do long term damage to someone elses wellness and recovery.

The dating game. Most of us live so far apart there is hardly any chance of actually meeting that other person, let alone getting “horizontal” together. They have been a few happy cases of people who have found each other. Very rare! Generally, the mentally ill have lousy relationships. You could hurt someone , or get hurt yourself. Once again, screwing yours or that other persons wellness and recovery. Those may the only things that get screwed. There is an old saying, “don’t sleep with anyone who’s problems are worse than your own!” In this case, “don’t sleep with anyone who’s taking more medication than you!”

Hyper sexuality. This is an unfortunate symptom of Bi-polarity. When manic, people may actually believe that they are attractive and alluring. A lot of the sexual banter and “I love you’s‘” are tongue-in-cheek and “for entertainment purposes only.” Please, no wagering! I get a kick out the cyber suave de bon aire’s who actually think that they are going to get in the pants of some gal (or guy) a thousand miles away! I used to be one! If they are such a hot product, how come they are some geek on the internet, instead of out on the town with some hot bod? You silver-fingered-devils!

Chronic cacaphonia. Samuel Johnson used to say, “profanity is the refuge of the illiterate.” I’m no prude. I use it. But at times it is ridiculous. I like to compare to the cub scout troop that has just learned all these new, forbidden words.

Remember, this is a mental health chat room. Some people may be prone, from time to time, to say and do things that they regret later. If you have never done anything like that, you probably do not belong here! Everyone expects compassion for the mistakes that they make. But it seems hard for the same people to give it to others. If it is something you would not say with your mother in the room, in mixed company, or face-to-face with that other person, you probably should not say it here! Try to avoid cutting to the quick and doing permanent damage. The mentally ill can be very sensitive.

A couple thousand years ago, a famous rabbi is attributed to have said, “taking back words that have been said, is like removing the salt from water in which it has been mixed,” yet another famous rabbi said, “what is distasteful to yourself, do not do to others.” Much later it was paraphrased by anther famous rabbi, “Do unto others, as you would have others do unto you!”

Newly Diagnosed?

In most cases, the introductory symptoms are eating disorders, too much or too little. You may be experiencing sleep problems, again, too much and too little. People with mental illness frequently have relationship problems, both personal and occupational. Then there are the delusions. These take many forms; “nobody understands me”, “everyone is looking at me”, and “everyone is talking about me”. Other Delusions can be more complicated, and of course more serious; “the CIA satellite is reading my mind”,” I’m getting messages from G-d on the TV and radio”, or people may believe that are responsible for events that they have no control over, and no connection what so ever. Of course alcohol and substance abuse are key indicators and very much a causative factor.

Personally, I was taking my father to a psychiatrist to get medication for his Alzheimer’s. I did this for over a year, each time the doctor would ask, “How are you doing Ron?” And I would respond, “I’m doing OK!” One day, I just said, “Not so good.” And almost cried right there in his office. Later, when I had my first appointment, he revealed to me that he knew I was having a problem the first time he met me! You cant hide from those guys! You will find that you cant hide from your fellow bus riders either!

Your doctor probably gave or prescribed some medication. Be sure to take it as directed. These medications do not always start to work right away. That is not unusual. And when they do, they may not have the same effect that you had hoped for. There is no magic pill that cures mental illness. Medications are like training wheels; they help you, but you still have to learn to ride! Sometimes, the medication work very well. You may feel so good that you want to stop taking them. DO NOT DO THIS!!! It is possible to forget one or two doses, but remember to get started again. Generally, not taking your medication is your ticket to the psychiatric emergency room, or in the worst case , to jail! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200!

What do I do now? Most everyone has a job, school, or household chores that need to be done every day. Do them! Get up, clean yourself up, get dressed , and have a life. That is absolutely the best therapy there is. I always suggest to people; have a goal to do something positive every day. That way when you go to bed at night, you will not have that feeling that you have wasted a day. Do that every day, and pretty soon, you’ve had a good constructive week. Then a month. Then a year. Eventually you will feel good about your life.

Do not isolate yourself. Sitting around and dwelling on your problems is the worst thing you can do. There are solutions to almost every problem. You are here in this chat room. I have to admit that there are times when this is not the healthiest place. There is almost always someone who will take you in and give you some support. Learn how to use the private message and ignore features. Support groups are terrific. I swear by them! The Depression& Bipolar support Alliance, and The National Association for The Mentally Ill , both operate support groups all over the country. There may be one near you. They have an advantage of being real people. A handshake or a hug, a human voice, and eye contact are things you cannot get in a chat room. Those things in themselves can be very therapeutic. Just about everyone at these groups has been through what you have been through, including being newly diagnosed!

Regular daily exercise is terrific. Not only can it generate endorphins that will make you feel better, but will improve your overall fitness. Start slow. Do easy exercises and try not to hurt yourself. It can be something as simple as a daily walk. This can also improve your sleeping. Leave the ipod at home. Learn to enjoy the world as it is.

Lastly, It is very important to learn to recognize your own symptoms. You may have to do some reading to do this. To learn what are the common symptoms of your illness. This will help you learn what causes these symptoms and devise strategies to control them. It will also help your doctor plan a course of treatment for you.

One of the most common and potentially disastrous symptoms of mental illness is suicidal or self destructive thoughts. This should be obvious. What is not always obvious is that they are a symptom of the illness. No one really wants to kill themselves. What everyone really wants is to have a happy and successful life. But sometimes the illness is so overwhelming, that we cannot think of the ways to accomplish that goal. Controlling your symptoms and figuring out those ways is the real object of treatment for mental illness.

Like I said when I began, you have already taken two giant steps. Attending a support group is kind of another giant step, and so is becoming and advocate (to be addressed later in another column), but for the most part, getting through recovery and on to wellness is a lot of baby steps. As much as we would like, there is no instant cure. You may find that some of things you need to do are very difficult. But its still better than being sick! As you meet more and more of your fellow bus riders, you will find that some people have made remarkable recoveries. And then you will meet people who have suffered for years and gotten nowhere. Try to learn from both of them. It is most important to remember, There is hope. People can and do get better.

See you in the room!

Ron